As if things weren't going south fast enough for Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich...on Friday, March 13 has was
bitten by a penguin in St. Louis. This news immediately made me think of some famous penguins who may have had it in for the former House Speaker:
LIKELIHOOD OF ATTACK: High
Although generally sweet-natured, he's easily the most liberal in this group, and wouldn't mind taking a nip at Bill Clinton's nemesis for old times' sake.
Chilly Willy
LIKELIHOOD OF ATTACK: Impossible
Woody Woodpecker's pal is way too nice...he's just looking for a place to warm his tailfeathers.
Sidney Crosby
LIKELIHOOD OF ATTACK: Unlikely
The Pittsburgh center isn't a real penguin, of course, and being Canadian means he probably doesn't even
know or care who Gingrich is.
Willie The Kool Cigarettes Penguin
LIKELIHOOD OF ATTACK: Unlikely
Sadly, Willie suffers from emphysema after all those decades of sucking on menthols, and can barely walk
a few steps without collapsing into a hacking, weezing heap.
Sparky (from the comic strip This Modern World)
LIKELIHOOD OF ATTACK: Very High
Tom Tomorrow's snarky little waddler has made no secret of his disdain for the former House Speaker.
Tennessee Tuxedo
LIKELIHOOD OF ATTACK: Moderate To High
Although he doesn't have anything against Gingrich personally (since he's most likely a Republican), he'd do it just because it would make him famous.
Danny DeVito or Burgess Meredith as The Penguin (from Batman)
LIKELIHOOD OF ATTACK: Low
C'mon, this guy's a super-criminal...biting a politician is way too penny-ante.
LIKELIHOOD OF ATTACK: High
Sure, he looks cute and likes to sing and dance...but underneath that beanie lies the heart of an
anarchist.